I don't want to say, "Remember when?" because that won't bring anything back.
Here is the deal, I didn't want to write a big teen cliche "breakup" post, but currently, that's what's rolling off my fingers. I'm confused, and hurt, but I respect his decision one hundred percent. If I knew the details, I would let you know.
Here's what I do know, though:
As many people have told me what to do, for today, I'm going to be sad. I'll find my happy soon, because I know right where it is, but to cope with my confusion, let me be blunt and sad. Let me wear his tshirts to bed, and listen to all his music. Let me be friends with him still, if that's alright by him. And only if it doesn't toy with my emotions too much, because right now, I'm a bit unsure of what's going on, but too afraid to ask, so what it is now is fine.
He taught me about family, and gave me his when I needed them most. He gave me an older brother, Matthew, who I know I'll look to, especially through change. He taught me not to worry. I learned what's important, (we'll talk about that later, love.) He taught me how to compromise.
I learned that I'm harder to deal with then most, and I learned what to look for.
Girls, let me tell you a little something. I need you to learn to love yourself before you can "love" someone else. I loved Turner the way I knew how, and yes I still do; The way I know how. But that's because I know how to make myself happy. I know how to be happy without someone glued at my hip, but when they are, it's even better. I know how to love God before anyone else, and I know how I work. (Sure, sometimes I forget how to deal with my anxieties, and sometimes it's too hard for others to handle. One day, someone will love my color coded planner and the way I do things. They'll love my almond snacking and the clothes that I wear.)
Things will work out if they're supposed to. And beyond my sad day today I see a beautiful future ahead of me.
Here's to UCLA and UofU. Here's to beginning again. Here's to my photography, and my writing, and my art.