1.) The Librarians They hook you up with cool things like good free books, and laptops, and all the seasons of Downton Abbey. They let you make buttons and posters and if they really like you, they may even let you have your own Christmas tree. Plus, everyone really envys you when you march on up and check out your own book or computer because you totally can.
2.) Your Counselor Alright, this is real. Basically, they save your life, and sincerely are proud of you when you do cool things like apply to all your college choices before most of the seniors. Along the lines of saving your life they honestly want you to do your best, and will teach you everything you need to get to saving the world, which is one of my major goals, so whaddup peeps, I have an instruction manual to saving the world. Ms. Clayton is the greatest lady since Rosa Parks.
3.) Addy Baird Okay, this girl will love you (if you know how to open a book, or like are liberal, or disaster kid) and laugh at all your jokes, which makes high school just about ten times easier. She'll be attached to your hip which makes you feel like you have a really independent puppy in your pocket, and who in the universe doesn't want a puppy in their pocket?! I mean, REALLY.
4.) The Attendance Lady Bribery and smiles work wonders, people. WONDERS I tell you. Plus, if she knows your name, okay, that's all I'm telling you. WOO for senior year.
5.) Quinn the Janitor (*in a loud whisper* "THE JANITOR" Name that movie. If you can, I'll add you as number 6.) He will let you get away with just about everything, and if you lose things he'll let you go search the school for them. He'll let you hang out in the building late, and make fun of everyone (with swearwords) with you and make staying 8 hours after the school day much less painful. He'll also crack awful jokes and maybe even let you ride that zamboni thing if he really likes you. Don't tell me that isn't your dream high school life.
I think I'm way funnier than I am.