May 16, 2013

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You want to know what I'm thinking, right?

You don't?
Well you're here reading my blog, so this is what you get. A big mess of almost tied together thoughts. Just love me anyway, mmk?

Today I'm thinking about forgiveness and second chances.

I'm thinking about last summer, and last fall and the people that were in my life then. I'm not thinking then as if they were gone, but they're here a different way now. Second chances, to me, always result in some kind of change. I mean, they have to don't they? Without a change of heart from one or the other; from God or you, well, it isn't really a second chance at all. It's the same as the first.

Last summer, last fall, and I can finally say last winter, were different then most that I've had before. Now, understand here that I've only had so many. The people in my head and in my heart aren't exactly the same as they were. Connor was there. Eliza was there. Ali was there, and Madi, and Maddie. Tyler, Matthew, Patty, Shelley, and Whitney were there too. Then of course there was Tanner and Turner. Cody, Addy and Marley were last fall.

Summer. Connor was there with awkward encounters and campfire jams. Eliza was there in the sunshine and music. Ali was there next door. Madi was Madi. And Maddie is beautiful. Matthew was family. Tyler, Patty and Shelley were my weekends and nights. Tanner was my listening ear; my over analyzer. Turner was sarcastic, sassy and well dressed.

Fall. Addy was changing. Marley came back. Cody was my other half. Teddy was loving. J started trusting me too much. Josh tried too hard. Connor was too much tv and spilled secrets.

Winter. Addy slipped away from me for a while. Marley was Cafe Rio and ex boyfriends, while Cody held my hand. Jordan was nostalgia, and Danny was there to chime in. Toni-Connor was there to drive me absolutely insane. Eliza was surgery and Tanner was there with letters on paper.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

But everyone is different now that its spring. It marks Jason's halfway mark, and it means Marley is home and Cody is my wedding date and Addy is New York. Taft is Wisconsin. Natalie is strength and sarcasm and uncomfortable on purpose. Ali is back and so is Emily and Angi. They're smiles. Madi makes me laugh. Tanner is in my heart more than ever. Jonny is the cutest tease since ever and Eliza is forgiving.

So here's the thing. Once March hit everyone needed a second chance in my book. Good; better; best. I needed a second chance and so people jumped in to hold my hand to join me on this adventure.

But, most of all I think I needed a second chance. I needed a second chance with myself, and God, and everyone really.

Senior year has been the best yet. Sure, if I had a second chance at it I would do some things differently. It became more about the people than it did the academics; more about the other stuff. So, actually, I don't know about that second chance at senior year. The people gave me a second chance before I even needed it.

Here's to last summer, last fall, last winter, this spring, this summer, this fall, and this winter.

I'm excited to see my people in their new place in the cubicles of my heart. It's moving day, kids. I'm excited for summer and for you. I'm excited for you to be here.

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