August 14, 2013

Let's call this one: how easily can you write an extremely unorganized blog post--it's like blinking

Take a second to hold your breathe because even an oxygen tank won't cover this dive. 

It's interesting what changes your body goes through as you grow up, and older, but your mind's changes are almost more interesting. And that's saying a lot because getting boobs, and wrinkles, and gaining weight, and changing face shape, and moving teeth, and getting cancer, and growing eye lashes are all pretty crazy things. But your mind--that some immense madness. It changes almost every second and beyond that you can literally change your mind to become something completely different than before, and beyond that it controls all that craziness that I mentioned before. And then throw in emotions and we've got a whole lot of genius going on. 

Now I'm talking about this because of turning points. And the way my mind is working and that sometimes I just need to write because I forget how therapeutic it is for me. 

My head is spinning as we speak and just a mere three days ago I was in love with a place, and now I'm leaving a completely different place to go to a place that I might hate. I feel like I should be afraid, but I'm not. I'm hurting people and loving too much and that's normal, but I'm not afraid. And all of that is my mind. 

I just had a discussion with my dad that left me being honest, probably too honest, and him being hurt. Then, I came here to cry and write because it made me think. And that's my mind. 

I hate to be all, "Woe is me//everything is hard right now," because it's hard right now for everyone, so I'm getting off my high horse and realizing that I'm going to be fine. Amongst all the "fineness" that I am, there's weirdness, too. Weirdness like my obsessive personality and my need for attention and my nostalgic attitude. 

Last night was my best friends birthday and it went a lot different than I expected because I knew in my mind that everything was different but my heart didn't know that. And she was different, a good different, and the same, too. We're adults now, Addy, and you have other friends, and big goals, and a giant future. But, nonetheless, Happy birthday darn it. And my mind all realized that. 

I'm starting to wonder what's my head and what's my heart. 

It's a funny feeling, moving out of your childhood home. It's exciting, really. You start getting nostalgic, and start growing up, or at least start acting grown up, and you get more confident in what you say to your family because, "I'm not here much longer." Your eyes open a little bigger, too. 

Two and a half years is a long time not to see someone and my mind wraps around that four times more than it should wrap around something. 

I feel like I can write endless amounts of madness here because I started off talking about how bizarre the mind is, and my mind is coming up with all of this. 

To you: I know you have a piece in there that still cares, but your mind seperates things from your heart. (Which, all in all, is probably a good thing.)

To you: I know you're afraid because you have too many feelings and you let them all out, but you actually don't. (Cause that made sense.)

To you: I don't know why you're still here, and I don't think you're very happy about it, but you're here, so at least sit on the couch. (The corner seat is all yours.)

To you: Don't leave as quickly as you did last time. (I can already feel it.)

My mind is racing and all of this spilled out in the fifteen minutes that I've been sitting here, and that's why the mind is so interesting. I let it be interesting. 

Well, I think it's about time I close this last blog post of this blog because I've got bigger and better things to do. I've got people to save, and feelings to share, and goodbye to say, and apologies to get out. A New start-new blog-new writings-new mindset-new people-same broken beautiful heart. 

I love you. 


1 comment:

CaLea Bagley said...

Yes, I design my own blog and layout.